The Beauty of Boundaries.
I've spent a lot of time over the past days reflecting on my own boundaries. Looking at the ways I have been honouring them, and the ways in which I am letting them slip. I've asked myself many times "What would the most empowered version of myself do in this situation?" and then unravelling why I am not showing up in that way. At the end of the day it always come down to a fear of setting boundaries. Now, you may be asking...
Why are boundaries important?
Honouring your boundaries is vital in creating a strong foundation for your relationship with yourself, and others. In a conscious relationship, boundaries are essential in order to create a safe container, and for both partners to be relating from a place of authenticity. If you consistently allow your boundaries to be overstepped, resentment will often build, causing tension in the relationship. You will feel disempowered, and often act accordingly.
Often boundaries are overstepped by others unknowingly. Hence clear and open communication is essential. The people you engage with in daily life cannot read your mind. No one person's boundaries are the same as another's.
Three Layers of Boundaries.
There are different types of boundaries we may implement:
Physical
Emotional
Energetic
By implementing, practicing and expressing your physical and emotional boundaries, your energetic boundaries will immediately become stronger.
Art by Casey Lee (Instagram - @casey.leee)
What are unhealthy boundaries?
Unhealthy Boundaries are characterised by:
- Sharing too much too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not expressing your need and wants.
- Feeling responsible for others’ happiness.
- Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.
- Weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others treat you.
- Disempowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.
Boundary Setting Tips.
Modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine
- When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting. Apologising sends mixed signals.
- You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for clearly and respectfully communicating your boundary.
- Initially, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway and tell yourself you have a right to protect yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination.
- When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively.
- Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time frame.
- Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic people from your life—those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.
My biggest piece of advice here is to be gentle with yourself. Start small. Take baby steps. Listen to your body. If something feels uncomfortable or off, its probably a boundary being overstepped. Use self reflection and journaling as a tool to gain a deeper understand of what your boundaries are and how you can establish them in a healthy way. And remind yourself, that by saying “no” to someone else, you are saying “yes” to yourself. And that is the most important thing of all.
In the Sacred Union online journey, we dive a little deeper into boundary setting, and what factors or beliefs you may have the make it difficult to set and honour your boundaries . Click here to find out more.
All love
x
