Navigating Challenging Emotions.

Emotional Self

May 22

Diving into my own emotional landscape.

It has taken me over a week to sit and write this post, as I have been engulfed by the process of feeling so deeply, and navigating through this. In the midst of everything that has been going on for me, it has been difficult to be putting energy into creating content on Instagram, and writing blogs. My entire being needed rest and space to feel. I needed to take the pressure off myself, in order to surrender fully into what was happening inside of myself. Coming out of this space feels like the perfect time to be vulnerable with you. To show you that it is normal, beautiful to feel deeply. To not be okay. To have days, or in my case, weeks at a time, where you are processing and feeling a lot. To be in a space where, even though everything in your life is flowing beautifully, you feel like screaming and running for the hills (or burying yourself in bed with many seasons of Sex and the City).

My journey over the past two years has taken me deeper and deeper into the body, into emotions, and into understanding how our physical and emotional landscapes are so closely linked. For most of my life, I was extremely disconnected from my emotions. I was always fine. Most people around me would always commend me on being so emotionally consistent. How did I stay so neutral all the time? Why did I not experience the high’s and low’s most people seemed to go through? For months I would breeze through life in neutral, feeling fine, and content, until one day I would be crippled by emotions. For months and months I had built up an internal backlog of emotions, that suddenly burst through the walls I had created to keep them contained, and flooded every cell of my being. I remember spending days sobbing and crying, over nothing. And then it would pass, and I would be back to feeling content, neutral. I spent most of my teens like this. I did not ever show how I felt, partly because I had no idea what was happening internally, and partly because I was terrified of not being strong enough to hold it all together.

I know now that the walls I built up, the disconnection I had cultivated, and (almost) mastered, was a coping mechanism. When I was 10 I contracted the Epstein Barr virus, and was stuck in bed for six months. I struggled with depression for over a year, and spent a lot of my days feeling hopeless, unmotivated and overwhelmed. Being in this space for so long, and knowing how easy it to fall back into, resulted in me avoiding these heavier emotions for a very long time. Today still, I feel things deeply. So deeply, that when I do feel something, it engulfs me entirely. I feel myself slipping. The hardest thing for me has been navigating the physical aspect of the emotions I am feeling. Moving through the sensations that arise in my body, and staying present in them, even when it feels like I’m drowning a little. For so long, I did not let myself feel anything at all, because I was afraid that if I did, it would never stop. I didn’t have the tools to hold myself through these darker, heavier spaces, and that scared me enough to disconnect from it completely.

The first time I opened the flood gates to my emotions in my adult life was during my first yoga teacher training three years ago. During our three week training, we released deeply engrained physical and energetic blockages, by working with postures and doing breath work every day. It was the first time I came home to my physical body, and the deeply intricate world of my emotions, and it brought me crumbling to pieces. For days I sobbed. I would move from bliss and joy, to anger and grief, all in the space of an hour. I would come out of our yoga practice and my body would cry and shake for hours after. As it was all happening, I was overwhelmed, and exhausted. I had never felt so much, in such a small space of time. But I stayed with it. I was so held by the space, by the facilitators, by the people around me, that I felt safe. Safe to feel and release and move through it all.

This past week has been a lot like that. Out of nothing, came big waves of feelings. It arrived just as my bleed started last week, and pulled me into a space of surrender. Having moved through this so many times in the past years, I’ve started to understand what my body needs, and how to navigate this space of processing.

Moving emotions through the body.

Emotions are simply energy moving through the body. If we suppress them, we may cause blockages in the system that can build up over the years and cause stagnation.

If not felt, processed, and moved through the body in a healthy way, we may start to build up emotional / energetic blockages in the body. Blockages can be physical, mental or emotional. Over time, these blockages may manifest in emotional imbalances, or even physical ailments.

These blockages can be rooted in social, sexual or spiritual fulfilment, creativity, finance, sense of purpose, the food you eat, your work space and the place you live. In other words, we need to learn how to navigate blocked emotions, and move this energy through the body in a healthy way, as we are exposed to environmental factors that may stagnate our energy on a regular basis.

Over the past years I have cultivated an intuitive feeling as to what my body and mind need in times of emotional surge. I trust my body’s wisdom, and will often fall back on a combination of stillness, witnessing and cathartic release.

Giving yourself space and stillness to feel your emotions.

One of the most nourishing things for me to do when feeling a lot, is to give myself the space to feel. I was always great at distracting myself from feeling, with work, friends, relationships, going out, eating too much, and a whole lot of other stuff we do to numb ourselves. Over the past year, I have made the conscious commitment to sit with my emotions when they come up. Instead of running to a yoga class, or going for dinner with a friend, I am present with what is happening in my body. I create a safe space, where I can simply be, witnessing what is happening in my physical and emotional body.

If you are in a space where there is a lot of emotion moving, self care is essential. When I am in this space, I try to:

Rest.

Take time to let your body heal from all the hard work it is doing. Have naps, have little lie downs on the couch, get an extra hour or two of sleep.

Meditate.

Spending time with your thoughts creates a safe space in which you can start exploring underlying beliefs or triggers that may be causing what you are feeling.

Journal.

Journaling is a powerful tool for self exploration, as it allows you to express what you are feeling, and dive a little deeper into it. It also allows you to look back on your journey, which is a beautiful way of acknowledging how far you have come, and how much you have grown.

Take time off social media.

Social media can be a very handy tool for self distraction, and can also drain our energy. Spending some time off social media will give you more space and energy to dedicate to yourself and your internal processes.

Eat well.

Supporting your body with a balanced, whole foods diet is essential for wellbeing, and will give your body the energy to replenish what is being used in the process of purging. Be mindful of comfort eating, and using food to numb yourself. If you feel a craving coming along, drink a big glass of water, and wait 20 minutes before rushing to the kitchen.

Drink lots of water.

Staying hydrated is essential for our overall health, and is especially important if you are crying or doing cathartic energy releases where you sweat a lot. Crying and sweating will dehydrate you, so make sure you are drinking lots of tea and water.

Ask for support.

Having someone hold space for you in a time of processing can be deeply healing. We do not need to move through everything alone, and sometimes all we need is a hug and a cuddle while we cry it out. Ask for what you need. But before you ask, check in with yourself to make sure that it is not coming from a place of wanting to distract yourself. If it feels right, call up a someone you love and trust and ask if they have the energy to hold space for you.

Maintaining your boundaries.

When we are in a vulnerable space, it is easy for us to let things go, or have our boundaries crossed because we do not have the energy to express ourselves fully. When you are engaging with others, make sure to express your boundaries. Remember that it is okay to say “no”.

Take time in stillness observing the sensations in your body.

This has been one of the most powerful practices in my own journey. When I feel challenging emotions arising, I will try and make time in my day to sit and observe the sensations in my body. When I am alone, I will often verbally express what I am feeling, what the sensations feel like, look like. I will bring all of my awareness to the sensations that are arising, and just observe and breath, until they start to dissipate.

Cuddle up in bed, put on a sad song, and have a little (or big) cry.

Honestly, this has been medicine for my soul the past two years, and helps me move through so much, in a safe and held space.

Cathartic Emotional Release.

Alongside these gentle approaches to emotional release, there are other more cathartic ways of moving energy and releasing it from the body. The Emotional Release Tools outlined below were taught in a sexuality and shamanism training I did last year, and have been a powerful vessel for me to express repressed anger, rage, grief and sadness.

The seven tools are an effective method of moving emotions through the body in a conscious way:

Hand scream - Cupping your hands over your mouth and screaming into them
Power stomping - Stomping your feet into the ground, almost like you are running on the spot
Tantrum - Lying on the ground and stomping your feet and hands into the Earth like an angry toddler throwing a tantrum
Pillow screaming - Screaming into a pillow
Pillow pounding - Kneeling over a pillow and slamming down onto it with your hands
Pillow thrusting - Placing a pillow underneath your hips and thrusting your hips into it (kind of like missionary but with a pillow)
Grief ritual - Kneeling, with your body upright and your hips stacked over your knees, lean back and open your chest, allowing your arms to fall to either side of you and your head and neck to fall back

To see video demonstrations of these tools, sign up to the Sacred Union online journey, where I dive deeper into these emotional release tools.

Whenever I am feeling a lot of intense emotions, I will dedicate 30 minutes in the late afternoon / early evening to dancing with these tools. I will create a safe, comfy space with a yoga mat and some pillows and blankets, and put on loud music. I will then start moving through the tools. Initially you may have to “fake it till you make it”, but usually after 5 minutes I will feel emotions / sensations arising in the body. I will cycle through the tools for between 20-30 minutes using them to release anything that is emerging, and then rest, laying on the ground, crying, laughing, shaking, honouring what my body needs. I then eat a nourishing meal, and get a good nights rest.

Another powerful for cathartic release is dance. Put on music to match your mood and move your body, without much thought or plan. Let yourself flow, and express what is happening internally.

The first time I practiced these tools, I was really overwhelmed. I had just unleashed 18 years worth of emotional backlog, and that was a lot to move through. The more I practiced, and the more I released, the more manageable it became. I truly believe that with each release, we strip another layer of emotional gunk, until eventually we arrive at a clean slate. A space where emotion / sensation / energy can simply flow through the body. Where it can be expressed, and then dissipate. So if you are coming into this, trust that it will get easier. With time, and patience, and self love, you can move through anything. If you do need support on this journey, please reach out to me via email anytime, as sometimes having someone hold space for you in the process can make a world of difference.

Listening to your body.

Through all of this, honouring your body is the most beautiful, healing thing you can do. Allowing yourself to feel safe. Not forcing yourself to do anything that does not feel right. Your body’s wisdom knows best, so start trusting your intuition as your guide in healing.

With each release, each experience, we go through a rebirthing process. We leave behind a part of ourselves that we have outgrown. We shed a layer, coming into the world a little different to the way we were before. Honour your process. Your growth. Take time to appreciate the little successes. And keep reminding yourself that we need the darkness for there to be light. Its the hard stuff that makes you appreciate the lightness so much more. I spent the past two weeks in a space of grieving and apathy, and have come out with a deeper sense of purpose, self love, and gratitude.

I’m currently sitting on my couch, sipping on a big cup of cacao, feeling grateful for this moment. Feeling grateful for the space that has been created from this period of purging. For the creative surge that has emerged from the darkness I have been so comfortably uncomfortable in these past days. I am so deeply grateful that you are here, reading this.

If you would like to diver deeper into your own internal landscape, I offer one-one coaching where we dedicate sessions diving deep into your own emotional landscape, unravelling that which no longer serves you, and creating the spaces to move through emotions in a wholesome way. If you would like to work with me, please pop me an email to set up a free consultation call.

If this post resonated with you, share it with a friend, or pop me an email sharing your experiences navigating challenging emotions. I would love to hear about the tools that help you, so please don’t feel shy to reach out, and share your thoughts on this post.

All love

Tatjana Thunert