The Power of Conscious Giving and Receiving.

The dance of energy.

In its healthiest form our relationship with another person, romantic or otherwise, is a beautiful dance of giving and receiving. Sometimes we give, other times we receive. This can be energetically, emotionally, sexually. It may exhibit itself as acts of service for the other. Holding space. Listening, and being listened to. Giving or receiving gifts, affection, words of affirmation. 

As humans, susceptible to society’s conditioning and creating habits, we can sometimes fall into a space where we have created unhealthy patterns around the energies of giving and receiving. We fall into the energies of giving and receiving subconsciously. We often do not have the awareness to realise how our actions are aligning with these energies.  Some of us may feel much more comfortable giving, while others are much more comfortable giving. Often we may feel comfortable being in a constant state of giving, as we want to feel needed. We believe that in order to receive love, we need to be giving our energy to the other, or doing things in order to get loved in returned. Others may feel more comfortable receiving, because the vulnerability and energy required to give is overwhelming. It opens us up to being taken advantage of. 

How do these energies affect our relationships?

In a relationship this can result in imbalances, or tension. If one partner is constantly giving, while the other is receiving, we will feel unfulfilled, as we are not cultivating a balance. Wholesomeness and fulfilment is found in the capacity to move between these two polarities.

In the same way, if both partners are always giving, neither is able to fully receive. This is often the case in sexual interactions. In many instances, both partners are trying to give pleasure to the other. But if both are giving, neither is able to fully receive. We forget to see the beauty in our ability to drop into receiving. To see that this is not at all selfish. Our capacity to fully receive is the greatest gift we can give our partners. This translates to all of our actions. In order for the actions of the other to be felt in all of their abundance, they need to be received with presence. 

If we tend to habitually fall into one of these energies, our capacity to hold the opposite in ourselves will be be impeded. As a result, we will start outsourcing this energy from others. We will find ourselves attracting partners who embody the energy we do not feel comfortable embodying. As a result we will find ourselves in relationships that further feed into this imbalance. 

I was always extremely comfortable giving. In relationships, especially romantic ones, I was giving a lot. I would feel guilty when the other person tried to do something for me, as I felt uncomfortable in my capacity to receive. When I did allow myself to receive, I would try and make it up to the other person by giving even more. Through my journey in this work I can now see that this stemmed from a deeply engrained belief that I need to be doing something in order to receive love. I did not feel like just being myself was enough to be loved.  As a result, I often attracted partners who were more comfortable receiving than giving. I found myself in relationships that, in the short run, were working well, as we were feeding into each others patterning, but in the long run were depleting. They were taking me away from being my most authentic self, and I would often lose myself in the relationship. I would be giving so much to try and make the other person happy, I would completely disregard my own needs. 

Art by @alphachanneling (Instagram)

Once I became aware of this I started consciously stepping into these energies. I started journaling and understanding when I fall into these patterns. Once I became really clear on that, I could take this into my relationships with others. It increased my capacity to establish boundaries and ask for what I need. I’ve outlined some of the practices that helped me below. 

Journaling 

⁃ During my daily interactions (at work, with my partner, with friends) was I giving / receiving?

⁃ How did it feel in my body? Was there resistance? 

⁃ Was it coming from a place of wholeness / abundance, or from a place of fear? Am I afraid that if I do not give / receive I will no longer receive love? 

⁃ What can I do to be interacting with others more authentically? 

⁃ What can I do to avoid overstepping my boundaries?

⁃ How can I give / receive more fully?

Noticing how I felt after my interactions with others

⁃ I would often feel drained after interacting with others, indicating that I was overstepping my own boundaries and giving too much energy 

Introducing this concept to the people you interact with regularly 

⁃ I started explaining this concept to my friends and partners, inviting them to reflect on their own patterns 

⁃ This created a space in which we could start playing with these energies 

⁃ We would consciously step into these energies in our interactions. We would play with one receiving and the other giving. We would play with both being in the same energy (giving-giving / receiving-receiving) and noticing how the dynamic changes, and which feels more fulfilling 

Some examples: 

⁃ Cook a beautiful dinner for a friend, and instead of them trying to help or make up for it in a different way, urge them to allow themselves to receive this gift fully with deep appreciation 

⁃ Hug someone, but before hugging decide who is giving and who is receiving. Allow yourself to be the giver - hug them with all the love you have in your heart. Allow yourself to be the receiver - do not hug back, simply allow yourself to be hugged, surrender fully into receiving

⁃ If you are engaging with someone sexually, allow yourself to step fully into giving or receiving. Oral sex is a beautiful place to practice this. There is no greater gift than a partner who is fully able to receive, so start experimenting with this. Communicate how it makes you feel. Communicate any resistance you feel. Use this as a chance to be vulnerable, and create deeper intimacy and connection.

I hope you enjoy playing with these energies! Be curious. I’d love to hear if you try any of these practices, and what your experience were, so do pop me an email if there’s anything you’d like to share!

All love

x