The Art of Sacred Sex.

Art by @alexandria_coe (Instagram)

What is Sacred Sexuality?

When people ask me what sacred sexuality is, I often struggle to put it into words. It is challenging putting something so multi-faceted, so powerful yet simple, into words. They just do not quite capture the essence of everything this practice holds. It is a practice of cultivating a relationship with yourself. It is a practice of celebrating the power we all hold within us. A practice of coming home to yourself, and the innate wisdom that your body holds. A practice that allows you to explore and experience your own divinity through the expression of your authentic sexual energy.

Through my personal journey, I have been exposed to a whole variety of practices, from training in shamanic sacred sexuality, to exploring the world of tantra. One thing I learnt is that there is a lot of confusion and stigma around sacred sexuality and tantra. Many believe that the essence is around relating to others. Of engaging in polyamory, fleeting sexual encounters and group sex. 

Although all of this is welcomed (if practiced within the realms of safety and consent), sacred sexuality and tantra encapsulate much more than that. For me personally, the discovery of sacred sexuality, and introducing its essence into my life, resulted in a discovery of myself. In its purest form, sacred sex is about getting to know yourself. Through utilising breath, movement, sound, self-inquiry and self-exploration, you cultivate the capacity to know yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally, on a much deeper level.  

So, what are the foundations of tantra? 

Self Love and Self Care

Understanding that we are whole complete beings just as we are. Obtaining a sense of wholeness through cultivating a relationship with yourself. Not coming into a relationship from a place of lack or need.

Creating a Container

Creating and nourishing a space both physically (in your home) and within the relationship, that is safe and in which you feel held. Clean the physical space, make it feel wholesome and nurturing and beautiful. Create a safe emotional space through communication and  setting boundaries.

Letting Go of Expectations

Get out of your minds idea of what sex and intimacy is meant to look like, and just be present with the pleasure and connection. Setting the intention to surrender to being present in the experience. 

Breathing

The more we can bring attention to our breath, the more we can expand our capacity to feel and experience more. There are many types of breathing exercise you can try out. I will do a blog post dedicated to breath in the next weeks.

Sound

Do not silence yourself in your sexual experience, explore your authentic voice in pleasure. Sound is a powerful way to move energy through the body, into different energy centres (chakras), different areas resonate with different sounds. Play with sound as a tool to access your natural expression. Blog post coming soon!

Emotional Expression and Movement

When we can give ourselves and our partners permission to bring and express everything they are feeling (sadness, joy, pain), sex can be become a sacred process of releasing and showing up as our authentic selves. It is about bringing all of you, and sometimes that looks like a mess. Vulnerability, emotion and realness are beautiful. Embrace them. This creates the space for deep, authentic connections. 

Have Fun

Do not forget the joy, curiosity, playfulness and fun. Do not get caught up in what you think it should look or feel like, get out of your head and go with what feels good for you! 

So give these a try if you feel called to. Stay playful. Be curious. And please remember, you do not need a partner to start exploring the practices of tantra.

Harness your inner power and enrich your relationships with others.

Art by @alexandria_coe (Instagram)

This practice acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy originate from the same source. The tools held within sacred sexuality support you in harnessing this powerful energy, redirecting the primal and sexual nature. This enables you to deeply embody a fully integrated, respectful and vibrant relationship with yourself and others. One of the main aims of this practice is to cultivate a healthy, abundant relationship with the self, in order to relate to others coming from a place of wholeness.

How can we expect to experience love coming from a place of emptiness? How do you expect someone to love all of you, if you don’t? How do you expect someone to understand you - emotionally, physically, mentally - if you have not taken to time to understand and explore those facets of yourself? How do you expect someone to take you on dates or cook you lovely dinners or run you a bath, if you don’t do these beautiful gestures for yourself? How do you expect for someone to be compassionate and supportive of you, if you can’t be compassionate with yourself? Our relationship with ourselves reflects in all of our relationships with others. We cannot have a healthy partnership / friendship, if we do not have a healthy relationship with ourselves. An unhealthy relationship with the self, results in co-dependency. Because we feel we need this other person to complete us, we fear losing them, and this plants the seed for jealousy, anxiety, possessiveness and fear. Seeing this playing out in my relationships with others, and observing the massive shifts that came about once I started putting energy into my relationship with myself, I realised that this work carries so much importance. I created the Sacred Union online journey with the intention of giving people the tools to create a beautiful, nourishing relationship with themselves, through exploring intimacy, sexuality, self love, communication, boundary setting and a whole lot more. I believe that once we have the tools to connect to ourselves, healing will start to unfold. We do not need to be dependent on others to grow in the realms of spirituality, or to heal our past trauma. Our body carries the capacity to heal itself, when given the space and compassion it needs. 

So, in short, start seeing the relationship with yourself as the sweetest, most important one you will ever have. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by a partner. Be loving and gentle with your body and soul, and you will be well on your way to practicing the art of sacred sex. 

All love

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